What Now?

Long time no read…

It’s been almost a year from my last post and quite frankly, I was only forced to think again about my blog just now when I was so kindly reminded that it is time to pay for this domain. A big decision as it is not exactly cheap and my budget is not exactly great. Plus… Do I have time for it? Do I want to write? Can I?  Do I have anything to say blog-wise? Well, as you can see I decided (after a bottle of wine I might add) to roll with it for another year so I guess the answer is: we’ll see.

I took a break from regular writing in anticipation of an extra hard school/work year and, man, was I right. But it seems that it was all worth it in the end and thanks to it, here’s my up-to-date situation:

  • I’ve become a teacher
  • I moved out and have successfully been living on my own as a strong and independent woman I am
  • I’ve researched, wrote and defended a thesis I’m insanely proud of ( said she ever so humbly), during which I realized that this actually is what I want to do for a living
  • After balancing 2 jobs, extra projects and full-time studies I actually managed to finish my MA degree (that still feels surreal)

Before the finals, I had plenty of ideas of what to do when this is over. Finally digging into the giant pile of books I’ve managed to gather over the last year was and still is high on the list. Also blobbing out on my couch watching the new season of Designated Survivor I banned myself from starting before the exams are over, made it to the list. So now, when it all came to a close I finally dug into my Mueller Report and I’m in the middle of the latest DS season.

And that’s all nice but it doesn’t really get rid of the little annoying question in the back of my mind: What now?

Having finished my uni is a bittersweet victory. Don’t get me wrong, it is a relief, a great relief. The last stretch of the last semester was just extra exhausting, I was running on reserve and on an insane amount of coffee that I was drinking as more of a habit and necessity than for its energy-boosting properties. By the end of it, it just ceased to work, 2 cups before bed and still, I was dead within two minutes of my head hitting the pillow. Hell, I still am. So, not a minute too soon to get back to normal. Though I’ve been living this way for so long that I have no idea what this normalcy thing is. Time to find out, I reckon.

There is something equally exciting and scary about this new chapter. After 18 years of school being a significant part of my life, suddenly, it’s not. Sort of makes one wonder what the future has in store. Speaking of a store…my foreseen future is in no way glamorous, I decided to simply continue in my candy selling career, which might seem like a step backward, but quite frankly it is exactly what I need now. It is a job that leaves me trouble-less the moment I close the door at the end of a day. And provides a stable income. Both checked. Plus I’m working with my friends. Gab happy.

But for sure that’s not all, is it? 

It wouldn’t be me without having something to work towards, so yes, I do have some long term plans, but the day-to-day planning in pursuit of an immediate goal that was so characteristic for my life is not here now, probably for the first time in years and not only should I learn to accept that, but probably to embrace that. See the new opportunities, take chances, so to speak, no matter how cliche it is. Not sure where to start, but that’s okay. For now, I’ll just keep writing.

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